The Color Tan Audio Book is ON SALE NOW!
Patricia Marie
Preeminent Author
Artwork by Doc Ivan
New Release
Patricia Marie Krentcil is a mother of five beautiful children. She has had an extensive career in the limelight, modeling from a young age, appearing frequently on the Howard Stern Show, and being thrust into the spotlight in 2012 as the notorious "Tan Mom," as she is known around the world today. In The Color Tan, Patricia pulls back the curtain on the high cost of fame and stardom.
​
"It's funny as sin."
- Patricia Marie
Order Now
This book is the greatest
book ever written.
- Harold Sternz,
Emperor of All Mediums
"I just can't get enough of this book!! Everyone should read it. Your life will be better, I swear!!"
kingoftheglades, Instagram
A masterpiece. Krentcil will now go down among the Mount Rushmore of literary geniuses, alongside the likes of Shakespeare, Hemingway and Hawthorne.
- Stephen King, DDS
"The book is a great read. Always entertaining."
jnnnesbrd, Instagram
This is the funniest book that's ever been written. Especially when you're high af. Anyone seen my bowl? No, seriously...has anyone seen it? It was green with like, red stripes on it or whatever. Awe, fuck it, I'll make this apple into a bowl.
- Times Book Review
"Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!
This book is the Soliel Moon Frye of Literature!"
Ellise Uvvmahjine, Randomly Housed Books
Patricia your book is amazing! It's like nothing I've ever read and absolutely hilarious! Funniest book ever!
BUY IT!
- Sara P., Instagram
"I have giant flabbity Finasteride man tits and major Rogaine face."
Simon Cowell
Praise & Reviews
This is the book of the century. And not just because I transcribed it.
- Joe Kerr
"Loved it! It was a great read. Are you going to follow it up someday?"
@Trev19a, X
What a good read! This book is nuts. I love it.
- ava, Amazon Review
"Got your book for Christmas. Funniest book I've ever read!!"
kps2.oh, Instagram
​
​
I bought a gerbil a while back, and it got out of the box I kept it in. Then it somehow squeezed in and fell down an open vent in my house. I could hear that little feller scratching around in there for days, but there was nothing I could do. The first cold day, I turned the heat on and it stunk to high heaven. That reminds me a lot of this book. But in a good way.
- Dan Rather
"It's Patricia Marie, duuuuu. Just buy it already."
Michelle S., Amazon review
I only wish this book had been around when I was President. It may have prevented the Civil War.
- Abraham Lincoln
"This book belongs in my book club, but I don't like the whites."
Oprah
Jiminy Cricket! The best book I've ever read! Words the world needs right now!
- Adam, Amazon Review
"My favorite part was YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF throughout your life with no regrets or apologies! I admire your self confidence & think you are a BRAVE, strong woman not to be messed with."
Terri K., Instagram
Best book I've read in over 20 years! And I'm an avid reader!
- David D. (@dbreezy007), X
"So funny! Got as a gag gift. Lots of laughs."
Jo C., Amazon Review
The Holy Father in Heaven would be laughing his dick off at this book. Now, pass me the kiddy porn.
- Cardinal Dolan
"The amount of work you put into this endeavor isn't unrecognized. Glad you're well and tell Lemet I said hi again."
Chad Boston (@WatchMeJackBro), X
Queen of all tans. Greatest book ever. Her life lessons should be taught in schools.
- M-family, Amazon review
"Jesus Christ on crutches. Did Oprah really say that?! She must be huffing the glue again."
Gayle King
Some quotes are parody. They are not meant to be taken literally, dummy.
*Only three people were permanently blinded in the making of this website.**
**But they were all dickheads, so it's cool.