The Color Tan Audio Book is ON SALE NOW!
Books

The Color Tan (2024)
A roman a clef
The Color Tan chronicles Patricia Marie Krentcil's odyssey from pale girl to beloved "Tan Mom," who is known around the world today.
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Patricia's candid, in-depth view of her time before and after becoming the world's foremost tanning celebrity will give readers her perspective as she unveils who Tan Mom really is beneath all that bronzer. The one and only Tan Mom invites her fans to take a look at her life through her eyelash extensions with this unvarnished, although at times inebriated, picture of the tannest woman to ever grace the airwaves.
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She's more than just a Wack Packer. She's more than just the embodiment of the color burnt umber. She's more than just a chart-topping musical phenom. She's more than just a reality TV star who is always at odds with pornstars. She's Tan Mom, and she's here to set the record straight, like only Tan Mom can.
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of good skin must be in want of a tan. In The Color Tan, Patricia gives us a raw, behind-the-scenes look--that may or may not be entirely factual--at the true cost of that SPF-free lifestyle which led to her becoming the iconic superstar she is today.

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Patricia would like to thank the following contributors to her book's success:
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Developmental Editing:
Elizabeth Kracht
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Transcriber:
Joseph P. Kerr, III
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Senior Editor:
Howard Sturnsispeeniss
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Chief Executive Executive:
Kim L. Kryssomuch
Director of Serious Business:
I. Lykedare-Ixweedshed
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Editor:
Ben Jeezatwatt
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Associate Editor:
Sal Bullows-Coxum
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Head Publicist:
Richard Zuhmomzahoe
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Formatted By:
Robin Zagotsum-Yugewuns
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Spell Checker:
Manny Dixen Memetzmouth
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Period Placer:
Gary Zallways-Eatonmoore
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Payroll:
U.R. Ahtruss-Tuhfunderblitt
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Proofreader:
Fred Zayhobo
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Intellectual Property:
Ronnie Taykzit-Indareer
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Operations:
J.D. Ullstayavirgin
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Distribution:
Imon Wool-Feezmom
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Copyright:
Chris Wilding-Zayugedong
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Craft Services:
John Heinzafry-Cook
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Dictation:
Mike Trainorz-Ballzersmall
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Cover Design:
Steve Nowicky-Fuxpuppetz
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Health & Wellness:
Mike Pearlman-Shittondabagel
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Inker:
Will Zeegullsblow
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Treaties & Border Disputes:
Cap. Lynn Sonnozempik
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V.P. of Vice Presidenting:
Sam Zuhmomzaheeter
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Janitor:
Michael Rappanevagonnagetanotheractingjob
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*These may or may not be real people.